Brown Princess

I took Miya with me to school two weeks ago. She spent the day with my 1st grade students. She was very excited to hang out with older children.  I teach in poorest neighborhood in the Bronx. I overheared Miya talking to a girl (fake name: Monica) in my class. They were discussing princesses.

Miya: All girls are princesses.

Monica: What?

Miya: Yes, all girls are princesses, you're a princess, I'm a princess and my mommy is a princess.

Monica: But you can't be brown and be a princess.

Miya: Why?!?

I interceded and explained to Monica, who is Latino, the race of a person does not matter, there are real princesses all over the world.

When Miya got home, she was very upset. She said, "Why did she say that about you?"

I did not know where to start explaining. But I tried my best. No Masters degree prepares you for the interesting conversations you have with your child!

Loving DC

We just came back from Washington, DC last night. We went there for Easter break. I love DC. This is my second visit. Miya complained, "Why do we always go to DC? Why can't we go to Hong Kong, or Japan, or Taiwan." I was quite impressed with my four year old's knowledge of eastern geography.

DC is amazing. The layout of the city was designed by French architect Pierre Charles L'Enfant in the 18th century. It is so obvious that DC has a French style in its design. It is so beautiful.

The majority of museums are free. There is so much to enjoy, such as sitting in front of the White House, or standing beside the imposing Lincoln Memorial, and standing outside the theater where Abraham Lincoln was killed. There are many cool tours such as the "Monuments by Moonlight" or the "DC Food Tour."

Every time I vacation in a new place, I want to live there. Miya's reasons for wanting to move to DC are because it is cleaner, she wants to live in a hotel, eat pancakes every morning, spend all day with mommy and daddy, and stay up late every night.

I don't blame her.

My hair

So, I made a big hair change today. I decided to take my braids out and wear my hair naturally. Last year, Chris Rock produced a movie called, "Good Hair". The movie highlights how black women are so unhappy with their hair. We make excruciating efforts to make it look the opposite to what it really is. We put relaxers in (highly toxic), wear wigs, and weave or braid in fake hair. Because of what we see on TV, and how we grew up, we believe the kinky (tightly curled)  hair looks bad.

I have extremely thick and kinky hair. For years, I wore fake hair (braids) because I did not know what to do with my overwhelming hair. A month ago, my daughter told my husband that she did not like her curly hair. I decided that it was time for me to be an example.

I found a great salon here in NYC that specializes in natural African textured hair. They are expensive but I went. They made me feel so proud of my hair. They also gave me so much advice on how to handle my hair. I left feeling pretty and encouraged. I have thick, curly hair. Sometimes it gets really frizzy. But it is my hair and I love it! And I am grateful that I have loads of it!

Cost of Survival

I just read an article about a mother in Australia who had a premature baby at 23 weeks. He is now three years old. According to his mother, "he can’t walk or talk...he has chronic lung disease, cerebral palsy and global developmental delay. He has diabetes insipidus and his thermostat is a bit wonky, so he gets hot and cold.” She feels so much regret that she let her child live.

I always heard that amazing advancements have been made in medicine allowing the tiniest preemie to survive. But the cost of their survival is extremely high. The quality of life that results from not being in the womb for at least 32 weeks is awful. There are lucky micropreemies that survive with no issues. Doctors do everything they can in hopes that another child can be that lucky one.

I was not given a choice in Miles' survival. He had strong lungs and fought everyday but had many issues due to prematurity. People would tell me miraculous stories about little preemies who survived with the most normal lives. That unfortunately is not the norm. People keep the sad stories to themselves.

I was very concerned about the quality of life Miles would have. We fought beside him and had hope for his future. We wanted him to be the miracle story.

I feel bad for mothers who regret the survival of their children. I  feel bad for those who have to experience the loss of their children as well. Either way, it is an awful experience.

This is the article from The Telegraph in Australia.  http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/sunday-magazine/i-feel-guilty-that-i-let-him-live/story-e6frf039-1226040243204

Matt's Play

Matt hosted his first play reading last night. He wrote a play called, "Chiku the African Adventurer, live!". It is about a Dora style character. He planned the reading, hired a director and actors, set up the date, and location. Miya and I went to support the talented man in our life. She loved seeing her father on stage with the other actors.

I am so proud of him for putting on this play reading. It is so easy for writers to create work and leave it on their computers. I see Matt really making efforts to make sure his work is seen and heard. He is submitting his play to festivals and we hope for a great outcome.

I admire his efforts in continuing to create while working, finishing his thesis and being a husband and father. Miya was very proud of him too.

Dinner with my friends

Last night I went out for dinner on the Upper East Side. I hesitated to go to this dinner. Actually, I thought of canceling a few hours beforehand. You see, these three women all had micropreemies in the NICU. Their children survived and my boy did not. I was very nervous about how I would feel during dinner.

I decided to go. Deep inside, I knew I would have a great time. I was right. We met at a hip and yummy Middle Eastern Restaurant. We definitely spoke about the NICU experience. We even joked about some of the doctors. But we also shared painful moments. The pain of seeing your tiny baby in an incubator cannot truly be understood unless it is experienced.

These three women went home with the prize. I did not. But I still feel a deep connection to them. I truly am glad I did not stay home.

My jaded baby!

So, sweet little Mimi is on Winter break. I normally love foreign art house movies which are usually ridiculously sad. But, I have totally loved watching Disney-style movies with Miya.

Tonight, we watched Fish Tales with the ever cute Billy Zane. He plays an Oxford professor who is widowed with a teenage daughter. While doing research on an island in Greece, they encounter a beautiful siren. He falls in love with this mermaid. Yadi yadi yada, she loses her tail, becomes a human, and she and Billy Zane become the best looking couple ever.

In the final scene the couple looks into each other's eyes as the credits roll. My sweet Miya mutters, "But they are soon going to be mad at each other...everyone fights!"

Oh golly! My jaded baby! What have we done?!