Someone Special

It has been a while since I posted last. I have been busy. I had a baby boy in November. He is now 8 weeks old. What a year! I had Miles, lost him a month later in the NICU.  Three months later, I got pregnant with Miller. There are so many simple things that I am loving right now.

1. To be able to see his face all the time (half of Miles' face was covered by a breathing tube and tape)
2. To be able to carry him whenever I want. ( I only carried Miles once in one month because he had surgery and was recovering)
3. To be able to take him on walks around the neighborhood (Miles never left the hospital).

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this little baby. When I left the funeral home last year, I really felt hopeless and dark about my future. Now things feel different. Someone special was taken from me but I received another special someone in return.

Happy Birthday

Today is October 2nd. One year ago today, my son Miles was born at 25 weeks gestation. He weighed 1 lb 7 and survived for a month. I have been anticipating this day for a while. It was a day full of traumatic memories for all of us.

The three of us went to Socrates Park and released balloons in his memory. This little outing brought us all closer. We went home somewhat lighter and happier...and full of hope.

7 months!

I have been waiting to post this. I am 7 months pregnant with our third child.  We are expecting a little boy at the end of November.
We are super-excited, but it has been a nerve-wracking pregnancy. Nothing has been wrong physically, but my emotions have been raw.  I have made many freak-out trips to the hospital. On numerous occasions, my ob has said, "Oh, you're a pain in my ass!".... He is the French-New Yorker, celebrity ob/gyn, Jacques Moritz. Just what I need!

Our second child, Miles, was born during my 6th month of pregnancy and we lost him in the NICU a month later. On October 2nd, he would have turned one. Because the doctors are not sure what exactly went wrong with that pregnancy, every single precaution has been taken with this pregnancy.
Mentally, it has been difficult to separate this pregnancy from the last one. Thankfully, this pregnancy is very different.

Sad day in Brooklyn

I have been watching the news horrified at the news of a young boy, Leiby Kletzky,  in Brooklyn. He was murdered and dismembered not far from his home. It happened in a close-knit Jewish community.

The boy went home by himself for the first time and was supposed to meet his mother half way. It was supposed to be a dry run of him walking home halfway. It is obvious that his parents thought deeply about this, but it went so wrong. He got lost and asked a stranger for directions. The man, Levi Aron, took the opportunity and snatched him.

This validates my theory, it is okay to be an overly-protective parent...no matter what others are doing around you. I will continue to follow my instincts. Most of the time, awful things like this do not happen. But when they do, the consequences are devastating.

The parents are not to blame, I know they feel so sick. My heart goes out to them.

Sarah's Key

I read this book in November while on vacation in Jamaica. It was the saddest book I have ever read. It would seem strange that I would read a tragedy two weeks after Miles' death.  Somehow, I think I wanted company in my misery. I wanted to feel someone else's life was going worse than mine!

Sarah's Key, by Tatiana de Rosnay, is a book about a little boy and girl during the holocaust. It also highlights France's awful involvement in the holocaust, which the country still does not address.

The movie was just released. It is a sad but beautiful story.

Fedex Delivery

We received Miles' urn today. He was born on October 2nd and died on November 2nd. In one month, we fell in love with him. I was actually infactuated long before that.

When he died, we had three choices: to bury him in a potters field, to bury him in a cemetery, or to cremate him. We cremated him with a stuffed animal and some letters from us, including one from his big sister.

Picking his urn was a huge deal to me. There are so many types of urns out there. Choosing one is a huge task. I think I found just the right one. A company that commissions artists made it. It took a few months to receive, but we got it today. It is beautiful and delicate. Now we have to find a safe location to place it in our home.

Brown Princess

I took Miya with me to school two weeks ago. She spent the day with my 1st grade students. She was very excited to hang out with older children.  I teach in poorest neighborhood in the Bronx. I overheared Miya talking to a girl (fake name: Monica) in my class. They were discussing princesses.

Miya: All girls are princesses.

Monica: What?

Miya: Yes, all girls are princesses, you're a princess, I'm a princess and my mommy is a princess.

Monica: But you can't be brown and be a princess.

Miya: Why?!?

I interceded and explained to Monica, who is Latino, the race of a person does not matter, there are real princesses all over the world.

When Miya got home, she was very upset. She said, "Why did she say that about you?"

I did not know where to start explaining. But I tried my best. No Masters degree prepares you for the interesting conversations you have with your child!