I used to stare at this monitor so much when Miles was in the NICU. If a rate changed, I asked questions. I wish I took more pictures of him... I thought I had more time. I remember the noises. I would stare at that screen out of fear that I would miss something. But when he did die, I was not there. It happened in the morning and I had just dropped Miya at school. I missed it anyway.... No matter how much I tried to control everything. His parting time was beyond my grasp.

I started this blog in November of 2010, a few weeks after I lost my son Miles, a preemie, in the NICU. I got pregnant with a few months after I lost Miles. I just could not accept that I had lost him. I needed to have another baby because, the pain of Miles' death was unbearable.

In November of 2011, I gave birth to a full term baby, Miller. The names sound similar, Miles...Miller.  The time between giving birth to Miles at 6 months gestation, the 30 day NICU experience, losing Miles, getting pregnant with Miller, the fear I experienced during the pregnancy, and giving birth to Miller all runs together. People advised me to take my time and not get pregnant so quickly...

 A hundred years ago, a woman might have 10 children and 6 would survive...I had to move on and I had to have another baby. I am still in pain. I thought the sorrow from Miles would be washed away, but is still hurts. I am so glad though that I had Miller.

Today, I went to the Bronx Zoo with Miller's class...I am so glad that I could do that.

This made me so sad...This is reminiscent of stereotypical images of black people at the turn of the 20th century.

I am sad, because I thought this type of imagery was in the past. In Germany, symbols from the Nazi era are illegal. In the United States, freedom of speech protects racist imagery...This imagery should be illegal. We have a lot to learn from how Germany fought anti-semitism after World War II.

I appreciate my first lady who is such an example to me. She is an amazing example to all women around the world despite race, religion, socio-economic status, and age.