Have you ever wanted something so desperately? I was pregnant with Miller three months after we lost Miles in the NICU. I needed my pregnancy with Miller to be successful. But I had so many fears that I would have another premature birth and I knew that I could not handle another NICU experience.
My fears, my grief, and my trauma were overwhelming me.
My beautiful, friend and doula, Teresa, gave me a meaningful task to help me get through my fearful days. She asked me to write every single fear that I had about my pregnancy on separate pieces of paper. Any time a new fear popped in my head, I had to write it down on a piece of paper. I also had to write down positive things that could happen in my pregnancy. All the fears and hopeful thoughts were in a jar. As time progressed in my pregnancy with Miller, I was able to throw away the pieces of paper that were full of my fears. By the time he was born, only positive thoughts were in the jar.
I was looking through the jar last night and it was so beautiful to see all my dreams in writing.